It is not uncommon to hear of the rise of loneliness. It is so prevalent that loneliness has almost become a buzzword, an expectation, a trait of our times. As a whole, Canada and many other Western nations are facing the extreme rise of loneliness among their populations, reaching epidemic proportions in recent years. 

When we’re talking about loneliness, we’re talking about connection, the degree to which things are associated. Key principles associated with Western culture involve strong attitudes around individualism and freedom, emphasizing the importance of pursuing individual liberty and maintaining self-responsibility (and the ability to remain self-responsible). Our sense of our associations, most notably through our perceived responsibility, becomes encased in the boundaries of individualist thought. Our primary goals are self-driven. Though I will in no way begin to suggest that individual liberty and the right to self-determination are wrong, I just think we forgot about the role of community in allowing access to these things.

While the primary goals of individualism remain the maximization of personal autonomy, the very shift in priority has reduced collectivist goals. This distinction of what is prioritized in an expansive cultural and systemic fashion has contributed to a decline in community cohesion and civic engagement. We prioritize one another less.

While the Western shift to individualism has fostered incredible potential for self-expression and autonomy, its extreme manifestation is what we are seeing today: rising isolation and a decrease in empathy. Though individualism is one of the many intersecting causes for today’s rise in loneliness, it is also technology and capitalism (among many other reasons). Capitalism, which is fundamentally designed around principles of individualism, fosters a culture of competition. And hey, at least if you’re lonely, you’ll have more time to work. 

Technology has a unique role in the rise of loneliness as it functions primarily as a means of connection. Due to the reality that social experiences through technology occur in a more manufactured way, communicative technologies displace in-person intimacy for screen-based connection. This may make social interactions in the digital landscape dissatisfactory as they are perceived to be artificial. Additionally, we are less emotionally intimate in online spaces where we would be required to be vulnerable in in-person spaces. This is not to mention the role of comparison between innumerable “community” members, which would be a far more limited and realistic pool to draw from in real life.

Let’s go back to individualism for a second. You may have seen a phrase circulate online: "Everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager," which refers to the ironic response to loneliness which pervades Western communities. The paradox of desiring a community that supports you without the effort of supporting others is reflective of the humanistic need for a community and the ideological assumption that we ourselves are positioned in the priority seat. Though folks often emphasize the modern rise of this paradoxical ideology, it is not without the groundwork laid by the individualistic movements of the West, which encourage self-actualization over altruism.

The reality is that I don’t blame folks for finding individualism attractive. As I said, it prioritizes personal freedom and self-expression and allows us to define ourselves and our lives outside of communal expectations. It can be empowering to pursue one’s own interests. But it also prioritizes the self and muddies the line of what is considered perverse in the grand scheme of self-interest. Individualism as a concept affirms us when we face the fears of our insignificance. We are still the most important thing, no matter what may challenge that assumption. 

By adopting individualism in its entirety, we don't have to confront the ego. We can safeguard childish behaviours which preserve the sense of self over personal development. Though a healthy self-esteem is important, it actually does matter what people think, especially if they are telling you that your behaviours are impacting them. 

Individualism makes self-development difficult because it promotes personal development to occur outside of communal goals. Our development becomes isolated in that it focuses primarily on personal achievement while neglecting the role of social engagement and community support. As we continue on our isolated efforts, we still will find our hands full, spread too thin in our attempts to manage our own lives.  We need help. We offer no bandwidth to return the favour when the opportunity presents itself.

Several years ago, I had a roommate who prided herself on her communal care and emphasis on radical shifts in community. In the same vein, she was incredibly keen to express the importance of defending oneself, setting boundaries and pursuing personal achievement. I thought she had cracked the code somehow. Strangely enough, she was really good at the second part and not great at the first. Sometimes it’s more fun to say than it is to do, after all.

Individualism benefits those seeking opportunities for autonomy and self-expression, especially if you are willing to drop the ball on the collective. Even better if you get the social benefits of people thinking you’d catch it if it were thrown to you. What folks like my old roommate fail to recognize is that opportunities for self-determination that house the most fulfillment are the collective result of community support networks, which enable individual growth. Sometimes that means you need to wash your own dishes.

In part, a result of the rise of individualism and the cultural striving for self-actualization is the increase in conversations surrounding wellness, especially those which are publicly accessible.  Increasing awareness around mental illness is a really good thing. However, we know weaponized self-care talk has furthered stigma surrounding mental health and contributes to the spread of misinformation. 

Buzzwords like “boundaries” have taken over the internet and become conflated with the response to anything we find uncomfortable. Our relationships increasingly become transactional, and the presence of disappointment or other discomforts, such as those connected to vulnerability, suddenly has a “good” reason to opt out of them.

It is under this same movement that we’ve become acutely aware of a sense of personal justice, which greatly informs our relationships and the way we respond to perceivable wrongdoings. This is particularly harmful when our friends ask us to support them in a way that is within the scope of our ability but is not something we are willing to do. Any reason we give at all becomes justification for a new “boundary” set. Where boundaries are actually intended to preserve one’s physical, emotional, and mental well-being, we have extended this definition to common cases of being inconvenienced by those we love.

It goes without saying that we actually do owe our communities something. The ideology of individualism leads to a disregard for the “social contract,” resulting in a dissolution of the community as a unit worth regarding. The “social contract” is a philosophical concept that suggests we as people agree to surrender some individual freedoms in exchange for social benefits. For example, despite not having kids, I contribute taxes towards schools. Would I rather have that money freely? No, because kids need a good education, and society needs educated children to become educated adults. 

Overall, you get what you give. In April of 2025, Time released an article by Mita Mallick called Is Annoyance the Price We Pay for Community? In short, Mallick says it is, and it’s worth it. Inconvenience and annoyance are essential and unavoidable costs for building a community. If you aren’t willing to be annoyed, why should others put up with being annoyed by you? It’s a lonely life, one that lacks being annoyed.

Coming to terms with the discomfort and invariability of loving people up close (even strangers) is a key factor in personal growth and resilience. On a biological level, social connection has proven links to improved health, perceived well-being, and reduced risks of early death. So no, it won’t kill you to drive your friend to the airport. 

Learning to sacrifice for others promotes fulfillment and often grants a sense of purpose. You’re also likely to build strong and lasting relationships all the while activating reward circuits in your brain, reducing your overall stress and giving you all the warm and fuzzies known as dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. 

We always want to say there is a village behind us to support us, but never that we are among the villagers who we too should stand behind when the time comes. This is a shift in perspective, attitude and of course behaviour. We must become better amalgamated with our village and rejoin the chorus of our communities, showing up where it counts, not when it is convenient. Be annoyed, show up. Be a villager, join the village. It’s more fun that way anyway.